Sex is good

A discussion of sex-related issues from a sex-positive slant.

Friday, June 02, 2006

What men should do

Now that we are deep into spring,it makes me think of spring turning young men's fancies to thoughts of love. I've lived long enough to have an idea of what men should do in the world of love.In other words, here is a list of the partners I think a man should be with in his lifetime: - an older person - a younger person - a person outside of his own ethnic group - a bigger/fatter person - a smaller/thinner person - a prostitute - another man (or if you're gay, a woman) Now I,personally, have experienced all but the last one.Variety really is the spice of life.Please note that these only apply to SINGLE men. If you lucky enough to have a loving partner,loyalty is key. Monogamy can be truly sexy,and I have been able to prove that for almost three years now!

Sunday, May 21, 2006

The Dildo Song!

Apparently this has been around for years, but I just discovered it: The Dildo Song!

Sunday, March 26, 2006

What kind of girlfriend are you?

This little quiz is not very sex-related, but I'm feeling guilty about not posting to this blog lately. The questions assume you are in a relationship with a man, but could work for lesbian relationships as well, I think. Take this test at Tickle

You're a Steady Supporter

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
Brought to you by Tickle

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Background music

Music can be a mood builder.It can intensify the situation,distract you from the task at hand,or provide a rhythm track to set the pace. What gets you pumped up?Do you want to rock and roll all night with metal?get sweaty with dance music?Or go at it nice and easy with smooth jazz? I love rock and roll,and I have nothing against it in an intimate moment. But nothing sets the mood quite like the great gentlemen of song.Frank Sinatra,the Capitol years.Al Green in his early 70's prime.Tony Bennett.Rod Stewart's Great American Songbook cd's.Johnny Mathis' Greatest Hits. Try 'em out, and let me know what you think.

Sunday, February 26, 2006


Evidently, I have no shame. I entered a contest at this radio station. Please vote for my ass.I really could use the $10,000 contest money!

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Get ready for Porn Appreciation Month

James models the Celebrate Porn Appreciation Month buttonPorn Appreciation month is in May, but it's never too early to start getting ready, especially since today is James's birthday!

I've declared May "Porn Appreciation Month" as a response to "Victims of Pornography" Month, a project of Citizens for Community Values. CCV's mission is to promote their version of Judeo-Christian values by trying to stop anyone from expressing contradictory ideas, particularly as related to sex. (I'm reminded here of James' post on the problem with Christianity...) Their focus is on pornography, which they claim causes sex crimes, and homosexuality. Close-up of the Celebrate Porn Appreciation Month button

Claiming that your average porn showing consenting adults enjoying themselves will turn people into rapists and child molesters defies common sense. It also contradicts the facts—countries which have less censorship of porn, even violent porn, also have less sex crime (see the studies cited below). Also, removing porn isn't magically going to change rapists and child molesters into kind, considerate people.

Porn does not cause crime. What it does cause, for millions of normal adults, is sexual arousal, pleasure, and release. We should be celebrating porn, not banning it. So buy your Porn Appreciation Month button, T-shirt, or bumpersticker today!


Pornography, sex crime, and public policy (PDF). Interesting quotes: "[...]sex offenders generally reported sexaully repressive family backgrounds, immature and inadequate sexual histories and rigid, conservative attitudes towards sexuality. During adolescence they had less experience with erotica than other groups. As adults, sex offenders seemed to catch up with other categories, but did not use pornography more frequently than others; and sex offenders did not differ significantly from other adults in their reported arousal or reported likelihood of engaging in sexual behaviour during or following exposure to pornography." (page 44) "The aggregate data on rape and other violent or sexual offences from four countries were pornography, including aggressive varieties, has become widely and easily available during ht eperiod we have dealt with would seem to exclude, beyond any reasonable doubt, that this availability has had any detrimental effects in the form of increased sexual violence." (page 53)

The effects of pornography: An international perspective. Interesting quotes: "...if anything, there is an inverse causal relationshop between an increase in pornography and sex crimes." "There is, however, no evidence that pornography is in anyway causal or even related to such terrible and regrettable crimes [domestic violence and child abuse]"

Friday, January 13, 2006

Why are women less likely to have sex with strangers?

The Guardian recently ran an article on a study published in 1989 entitled "Gender Differences in Receptivity to Sexual Offers". For the study, women and men approached strangers of the other sex on a college campus and said, "I have been noticing you around campus. I find you to be very attractive." Then they invited the strangers to have sex.

The researchers found, "The great majority of men were willing to have a sexual liaison with the women who approached them. Not one woman agreed to a sexual liaison." (Note: I haven't been able to find the original article online, so I'm assuming the Guardian's version is accurate.)

People have proposed evolutionary reasons for this: supposedly it is to a woman's advantage to stick with one mate, and to a man's advantage to spread his sperm as widely as possible. But this argument has a big flaw—in terms of spreading genes, the woman takes a big risk by having only one sexual partner, who may be infertile, rather than having many partners and improving her odds of fertilizing her egg. (The impression I've got from some men making this argument is that they really are trying to justify cheating on their wives when they would be furious if the wives cheated on them.)

I have my own theories: women are less likely to have sex with strangers because (a) we are taking bigger risks and (b) in our culture, sex often isn't as good for women as it can be. (Please note that I am, like the study, only talking about heterosexual sex here.)

Women take bigger risks having sex with men than men take having sex with women.

  • Women get pregnant. Men don't. No form of contraception is 100% effective, even tubal ligation, according to Contraception Online, produced by the Baylor College of Medicine. (Before researching this article, I had thought that tubal ligation was 100% effective. Eek.)
  • When it comes to STDs, women are slightly more likely to be infected by men than men are to be infected by women. For example, this study found that among heterosexuals who never use condoms, the risk of HIV infection was 6.8 per 100 person-years for women, and 5.9 per 100 person-years for men.
  • Although this is changing, there is still more stigma for women having sex with strangers than for men having sex with strangers.

In our culture, sex often isn't as good for women as it could be

Biologically, women are capable of enjoying sex more than men. We are more likely to be able to have multiple orgasms, with no refractory period in between. Theoretically, you would expect women to be more eager to have sex than men.

Unfortunately, in our culture, "sex" is often equated with penis-in-vagina intercourse, to the extreme that Bill Clinton could accept a blowjob and claim he "didn't have sex with that woman."

While sexual intercourse can feel great, for the majority of women, sexual intercourse is not going to lead to orgasm. Masturbation and cunnilingus are more likely to do the trick. There are still some people who buy into Freud's idea that prefering clitoral stimulation to vaginal is a sign of some kind of psychological problem, but there are sound anatomical reasons this is so.

The clitoris and the glans of the penis develop from the same tissue in the embryo. (Here's a nifty animation; click on "Genitals" in the left sidebar.) Expecting a woman to come without clitoral stimulation is like expecting a man to come without penile stimulation. Sure, it can happen, but it's not so likely.

There is more awareness of the importance of the clitoris these days, but still clitoral stimulation is often relegated to perfunctory "foreplay" (I hate that word), an optional preparation for intercourse. The booming business in penis enlargement scams, which supposedly enhance female pleasure (NOT), shows just how many men are clueless about what women really want in bed.

In a nutshell...

As long as sex is equated with vaginal intercourse, women will be understandably less enthusiastic about sex than men. Why should we risk pregnancy and probably not even get an orgasm out of it?

Recommended reading: Let me count the ways: How to have great sex without intercourse by Marty Klein, Ph.D and Riki Robbins, Ph.D.

Update: January 15, 2006

"Pussy: It's what's for dinner" organic cotton T-shirt for men who know how to please a woman.

Guys, if you want to improve your odds, wear this cool T-shirt (designed by me). Text reads: "Pussy: It's what's for dinner." Also available on women's tees, buttons, and more—great way to screen prospective lovers, or find a new girlfriend!