Sex is good

A discussion of sex-related issues from a sex-positive slant.

Saturday, December 31, 2005

My problem with Christianity

I hope that you, the reader, have paid attention to Ro's previous post.

Folks ,this shows what my problem with the Christian religion is. If they were content with living life in the way that they want, for themselves, then, no problem. If you don't want intimacy prior to marriage, for whatever reason. fine with me.

But they're not happy with that.They live life the way they think YOU should too, and if they get any influence or power, Christians have absolutely no qualms about making you live by their rules.

I can honestly say that I've gotten SOMETHING good out of all of my premarital sexual experiences, even the ones that I had to pay for!

I want to know, prior to marriage, what my partner wants and needs,how to deliver the goods,and how to make her happy.

Besides, do you really want to spend life everlasting with a bunch of repressed tight-asses?

Why do prudes have to lie?

If people decide that for religious reasons they don't want to have sex before marriage, or don't want to use contraceptives, or whatever, I don't have a problem with that (although I don't think it is wise: see my views on sex before marriage).

But why do they have to make up fake pseudo-scientific reasons to back up their religious beliefs?

I tore apart the blatant misinformation in "One More Soul"'s Christian Sexuality slideshow here.

Today, I decided to read up more on a new more extreme form of prudery which I just recently learned of: no kissing before marriage.

"Paul and Lori", in How Far Before Marriage?, don't get specific about kissing, but they do say that there should be no "touching" before marriage. They allege:

Talk to 100 women who "messed around" before marriage a year after the wedding and at least 95% will say they wish they had not done it.

Do they give a source for this "statistic"? Of course not, because it is made up! How often do 95% of the population agree on anything?

Paul and Lori express concern that if we have sex with other people before marriage, we will be disappointed that our spouse doesn't do that special thing we liked or look as good as our ex. But (duh), if you have sex before marriage, you can find out if your spouse is sexually compatible and not marry them if they don't do that special thing we really like.

For myself, I have found that sex, and my ability to communicate what I like, has improved with more experience. I am grateful to all my partners, past and present, for their contributions to my sex life.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Welcome, James!

JamesWell, now I've lost my pseudo-anonymity by inviting my boyfriend, James to contribute to this blog. You may have seen his first post on Christmas eve (thanks, sweetie).

Misinformation about contraception

Misinformation about contraception, such as that in this Christian Sexuality Slideshow at One More Soul, causes a great deal of unhappiness, so I'll take it on here. (Note this slideshow is in PowerPoint so if you don't have PowerPoint, you can't see it.)
  • Contraception leads to abortion—they don't really explain this one. Obviously, contraception is one way of preventing abortion. Duh.
  • The Pill is an abortifacent—the Pill, taken correctly, almost always prevents ovulation, so there is nothing to "abort". However, if someone does get pregnant while on the pill, it is very unlikely that taking the pill will harm the zygote/embryo. (source: Sexuality and U .ca, a site by the Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada.
  • Contraception leads to unwanted pregnancy and single parenthood—huh?
  • Contraception contributes to divorce—how? Surely unwanted children are a stress on marriage (heck, even wanted children can stress a marriage)
  • Contraception contributes to "social chaos"—what is that supposed to mean?
  • Contraception is "a violation of the good of a woman's physical and psychological health". What? Unwanted pregnancy is a violation of women's psychological health, and any pregnancy carries with it health risks including possible death.
  • Contraception is "an impediment to the total self-giving of a spouse's love". I'd say worrying about pregnancy is more an impediment.
  • "Babies are Bonding"—surely that depends on whether the couple wanted a(nother) baby! Even a wanted baby can be a stress on a marriage. If babies really were bonding, the only single parents would be widows and widowers.

Strangely, One More Soul advocates "natural" family planning (which I'd say is the "least" natural method available—under natural conditions, animals have sex during their fertile period. I'm hard pressed to see how "N"FP is superior to other forms of contraception—surely it also is "an impediment to the total self-giving of a spouse's love" etc. etc. (The slideshow does have a slide entitled "NFP vs. Contraception" with a set of incomprehensible (to me) cartoons; if someone can figure it out, please post a comment.)

I'm guessing the reason "N"FP is okay is that it has the "benefit" of "requir[ing] mutual sacrifice". I guess a church run by people who aren't allowed to have sex can't bear the thought of the rest of us enjoying ourselves.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

It really is good

Ro is right.Sex really is good, but it depends on who your partner is, and your connection with them. You have to want to please that person;in fact, their pleasure should mean more to you than your own. You should always be willing to learn what pleases your partner, and do that.Do it long. Do it often. Do it with a smile. And always be open to suggestions. Porn and toys are good things. Guys, don't be threatened by using sex toys. They're just one way to make your partner feel good! Me, I've always loved going down on a woman. It's so sexy and intimate. This is one thing that men should learn to do and love. Men could learn a lot from lesbians. After all, they don't have penises, but they have no problems with satisfying their girlfriends! Ro and I made love last night. It was real good. Matter of fact, I look forward to doing it again.We've been together for over two years now ( a record for me! ),and it's good every time!

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Swingers' clubs are legal in Canada, Supreme Court rules

Canada's top court today ruled that swingers' clubs are perfectly legal in Canada.

Before the ruling, the status of swingers' clubs was unclear. In two similar cases involving swingers' clubs in Montréal, one owner was found guilty of operating a "bawdy house" while another was found not guilty.

Chief Justice Beverly McLaughlin wrote, "Consensual conduct behind code-locked doors can hardly be supposed to jeopardize a society as vigorous and tolerant as Canadian society."

The decision clarifies that to be considered "indecent", acts must be shown to be harmful, not just against "community standards".

The usual people are objecting strenuously to this ruling of course. So if you're in Canada, take a minute to email your Member of Parliament and express your support of this ruling.

Update, December 22

Cum to Canada baby doll t-shirtI've added a new CafePress store in celebration of the Supreme Court's decision.

The decision is important not only for swingers, but for all consenting adults in Canada who don't want the government intruding in our sex lives.

Next step—decriminalizing prostitution among consenting adults. (Currently protitution is legal in Canada, but with annoying restrictions).

If you're planning to get married, DON'T "save" yourself

Currently in the US the trend is for "abstinence only" sex education; i.e. telling teens that they should not have sex until they get married (and not discussing contraception, homosexuality, abortion, etc.).

To me this seems a sure-fire way to increase the rates of divorce and adultery.

What happens to the people who wait until their wedding night, only to discover that their new spouse is sexually incompatible? Just because you are in love doesn't mean that you and your spouse will share the same sexual tastes and desire sex equally often.

In response to my first post, I heard from James (not to be confused with my boyfriend James), who has started a blog for SWAGE—Spouses Who Aren't Getting Enough, for people in the difficult situation of loving spouses who have significantly lower sex drives.

Of course, even if you do have premarital sex, there is no guarantee that you will always be sexually compatible with your spouse. People's needs and desires change over time, sometimes due to factors beyond our control (illness, injury, aging). But I do believe that premarital sex increases the likelihood of a satisfying sex life during the marriage.

As it happens, many teens in abstinence only programs have sex anyway, BUT they are less likely to use contraception. So even if I did agree with the abstinence only idea, the evidence is that the current programs at least are utter failures. Teens deserve factual information about sex, including information about preventing pregnancy and STD transmission if they do choose to become sexually active.

Because of all the problems with abstinence-only programs, I've created two CafePress shops on the subject: Sex is great! Try it today! and Sex can't wait. Your wedding night is too late!.

In researching this article, I also came across a couple of humorous parodies:


My first post

In this blog, I'll be discussing sex-related issues from a sex-positive perspective, and also announcing my new products for sale at CafePress.

So far I have three designs, all available on certified non-sweatshop T-shirts from American Apparel, as well as bumper stickers, buttons, condom boxes, and more!

Condom box emblazoned with "Sex is great--try it today!" Click to see more products with this design. Sex can't wait. Your wedding night is too late! button. Click to see more products with this design. Celebrate Porn Appreciation Month sticker. Click to see this design on more products.

Update: December 29, 2005

At some point I'll write something about "Pornography Appreciation Month" as a response to "Victims of Pornography Month". Meanwhile, here's an excellent article by Marty Klein, Ph.D.: People who feel victimized by porn: Let's give them sympathy, not a Congressional hearing.